Item 2 - 2/4/11 - Poor Grammar discovery of Graffiti in the Leisure complex that's in Pocklington

Roughly Sixteen years ago, in 1995, Pocklington's famous town pride was compounded by the grand opening of our beloved Leisure complex by the international superstar Neil Morrissey, who was infact booked as part of a happy accident by a senoir residential council volunteer Doris Greene, mainly because she had tried to book Morissey of the Smiths, who lived much of his youth within our town, but unfortunately got confused. What a day that was for Pocklington, and what a legacy the complex has contributed to the international profile of Pocklington, with our first ever indoor pool, and Pocklington's first ever Jacuzzi (made obsolete in 1998).

What a disgrace then, that sexteen years on (and exactly one year since our last crusade) that we report the sorry story brought to our attention by Janine Griffiths: After chaperoning her son Kevin and his friend Toby to Pocklington Leisure Complex in the aid of celebrating his landmark 13th Birthday, God-fearing Janine had to come face to face with the inescapable evidence of the 21st century's unforgivable moral decay that the boys toilets stand testament to. We thank you for your DISGUSTING letter Janine:

"Whilst some of the sentiments expressed in the graffiti I wrote to you about are sound ('do your community a favour, kill a muslim'), the poor use of Grammar, blatantly,and unashamedly misspelt wording, and sloppy syntax of the graffiti [in PLC toilets] is UN-FORGIVE-ABLE." Janine writes."The last thing a God fearing mother of seven wants to be confronted with when entering a male urinal to help deal with her teenage sons drippage is to be faced head on with the blatant shortcomings of our council's education system. And on leaving the premises immediately (how could one allow her Son's birthday celebration to continue in the shadow of such moralistic detritus?) I realised that the similar illiterate sentiments, were painted all around the property onto the fabric of the outside building.

Some of these poor youths can't even spell F**k. They spell it F**k (I add the censorship for the sake of decency, but you understand my point). I (along with the help of Kevin and Toby) spent the remainder of Kevin's Birthday, photographing evidence of these outrageous defacements to take to the council body and the free media [such as PC] to testify our moral decline.

Please read some of the examples I disclose in absolute tired disgust at the state of the youth of York (below). Here are some examples that the filthy perversion of the Queen's English the lavatorial facilities, and the leisure complex's surrounding real estate property account for" (Judith Griffiths, Pocklington Crusader):

evidence 1A - Fine cause, incorrect spelling..

evidence 1B - I checked the entire phonebook for Pocklington and the Emily they refer to is an Emily 'Ule', without the Y.

evidence 3A - "Perhaps the most flagrant disuse of English of the entire lot. F**k is spelt F**k, not F**k!"

evidence 4A - "Whilst I entirely agree with the sentiment, one simply cannot forgive the manipulation of H**l, for H**l" ..Unless they meant Heal 20 miles south of Bristol, in which case redirecting Americans away from Pocklington would in fact be a cause worthy of salutation".

Evidence 5A - Once again, the sentiment is sound. But the lazy spelling of favour is a disgrace to modesty.

Evidence 6A -t before c, especially in b***h, w***h (except in Cunt).

Evidence 6B -..Such a Holy word / Such a disgraceful bastardisation.

evidence 7A -"Lastly; whilst this sentence contains the correct spelling, it also contains the works of Beelzebub".

Thank you Judith; And we are sorry that your motherly eyes had to witness this filth. We will update our neighbourhood watch service with the result of your appeal to the council once we have mad its presentation.

Earnestly,

THE POCKLINGTON CRUSADERS.

Item 1 - Fun and yet woe at Growers fayre

Last wednesday's annual growers fair was whitewashed by scandal.

However, with a defiant festive spirit let us first look at the numerous highlights:

Pocklington farming has progressed in leaps and bounds in all categories: Roger Hardstone's massive Cucumber stiffed the competition in the organic class, whereas everyone agreed that one couldn't be anything but satisfied with a mouth full of Ian Bentley's juicy plums, steaming their way into first in the fruit class. In the berry category the judges picked veteran competitor Edith Cradock's cherry, whereas the overall champion of the fruit class went to Fanny Wandall's innovation for her shaved coconuts. Anyone wishing to tackle Fanny next year is in for quite a handful!

Of course the days proceedings weren't all about competition, with fun-a-plenty to be had in the games and crafts: Many Gentlemen's club bachelors became deeply engaged in the bean flicking competition, whereas the gun range (in which gunners with high-visibility helmets shot loads of seed at stuffed pussies, taking ones they toppled home as trophies) went off with a bang.

However while we must bear in mind that many were enjoying wholesome fun, sadly one man desired to smear the occaission for all. Local convenience store owner and judge for ther day Adrian Parkes managed to disgrace himself, the reputation of the competition and damage local pride with a tastless remark during a prize giving speech about 'a juicy pear'.

Whilst Pocklington Crusaders was founded on rational response, required in this instance especially after last years premature disqualification of Anita Romerez [sic] on the grounds of witchcraft after she displayed a huge pair of melons (a sort of spanish fruit never before grown in York) casting a dark shadow over the tournament. Of course the evidence followed that Anita wasn't practicing dark arts but instead used a new fangled form of hydropontic agriculture to develop her exotic orbs..

..However this time there was a whole tent full of witnesses to Parkes' disgracefull use of sworded imagery, and while he claims he has no idea what reference P.C are alluding to, how can one trust a man which uses such base and depraved language?

Needless to say that Pocklington Crusaders are backing the strong call for a boycott of parkes shop and pressure that his children (who sniggered sinisterly) should be dismissed from Pocklington primary so as not to influence our uncorrupted children, after a full majority 3-0 vote.

For a window banner please email Clive at pocklingtoncrusaders@hotmail.com.

This said, the majority of the day was great fun and far from fruitless (no pun intended!).

Godspeed,

Matilda Burgess

Vice Prime-Minister

The Pocklington Crusaders

The Brigade of Pocklington Crusaders neighbourhood watch and York Lobby administration sits for the first time.

Neighbours,

Its time to take a stand. Pocklington is by no means exempt from the wide deterioration of our Broken Society. Pocklington town Council, it's neighbourhood watch community and even the York Police are wilfully allowing moral decline to run rampant in our streets, so it is now up to us.

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