Item 1 - Fun and yet woe at Growers fayre

Last wednesday's annual growers fair was whitewashed by scandal.

However, with a defiant festive spirit let us first look at the numerous highlights:

Pocklington farming has progressed in leaps and bounds in all categories: Roger Hardstone's massive Cucumber stiffed the competition in the organic class, whereas everyone agreed that one couldn't be anything but satisfied with a mouth full of Ian Bentley's juicy plums, steaming their way into first in the fruit class. In the berry category the judges picked veteran competitor Edith Cradock's cherry, whereas the overall champion of the fruit class went to Fanny Wandall's innovation for her shaved coconuts. Anyone wishing to tackle Fanny next year is in for quite a handful!

Of course the days proceedings weren't all about competition, with fun-a-plenty to be had in the games and crafts: Many Gentlemen's club bachelors became deeply engaged in the bean flicking competition, whereas the gun range (in which gunners with high-visibility helmets shot loads of seed at stuffed pussies, taking ones they toppled home as trophies) went off with a bang.

However while we must bear in mind that many were enjoying wholesome fun, sadly one man desired to smear the occaission for all. Local convenience store owner and judge for ther day Adrian Parkes managed to disgrace himself, the reputation of the competition and damage local pride with a tastless remark during a prize giving speech about 'a juicy pear'.

Whilst Pocklington Crusaders was founded on rational response, required in this instance especially after last years premature disqualification of Anita Romerez [sic] on the grounds of witchcraft after she displayed a huge pair of melons (a sort of spanish fruit never before grown in York) casting a dark shadow over the tournament. Of course the evidence followed that Anita wasn't practicing dark arts but instead used a new fangled form of hydropontic agriculture to develop her exotic orbs..

..However this time there was a whole tent full of witnesses to Parkes' disgracefull use of sworded imagery, and while he claims he has no idea what reference P.C are alluding to, how can one trust a man which uses such base and depraved language?

Needless to say that Pocklington Crusaders are backing the strong call for a boycott of parkes shop and pressure that his children (who sniggered sinisterly) should be dismissed from Pocklington primary so as not to influence our uncorrupted children, after a full majority 3-0 vote.

For a window banner please email Clive at pocklingtoncrusaders@hotmail.com.

This said, the majority of the day was great fun and far from fruitless (no pun intended!).

Godspeed,

Matilda Burgess

Vice Prime-Minister

The Pocklington Crusaders